Things That Make You Go...You Know....

1) I had a dream last night that a girl who rode my school bus in elementary school claimed to be pregnant with Keanu Reeves' baby. Brad Pitt heard about it and accepted responsibility for the unborn child and stated that it would have his last name. I was hanging out with Keanu at the time, though I think he was disguised as a 5'6" blond guy. We knew it wasn't his baby, but what could you do. The article was already on people.com, full of spelling errors, mind you.

2) The fireworks at the Olympic opening ceremonies were faked. This makes me so happy. Please, please bring these digital geniuses here for the baseball games and Labor Day fireworks. I believe fireworks to be the biggest waste of money in the history of wastes of money. I wish them all to be fake. And silent.

3) My boss told me the other day that my daughter "is beautiful." Thank you. "Does she look like her father?"

4) It is taking every part of my being not to run out and go school shopping. I want to buy folders, pens, pencils, notebooks, Post-Its, binders, binder section dividers, sheet protectors, hole reinforcing stickers, a book bag, a new fall coat, new fall flats, dresses, skirts, long sleeved henleys, a hat, fingerless gloves, long sweaters, Frye Campus boots, a hot/cold Sigg bottle, whiskey colored handbag, sunglasses....

5) The restaurant where I worked in NYC was featured in a cable show. I saw it yesterday. Funny how they made no mention of the rats running around, particularly the tomcat sized one I nearly passed on the stairs heading down to the basement. Or the roaches which lived in the espresso machine. I told them they needed a new one. "If you all would clean it like you're supposed to, there wouldn't be roaches." "Well, no one is going to go near it if it's full of roaches." I didn't bother to mention the ones living under the bar, which was his area to clean. I don't think I'd ever seen a roach before I moved to New York. I can honestly say, it never got easier. I can also say...that restaurant has since been shut down by the health department. Only the bar remains open. If they only knew....