My mom used to tell people I was going to open a home for old men and babies and to hell with everyone else. It's not secret: old women are bitches. I can say this because I will, one day...hopefully, be an old woman; just not a bitchy old woman.
Yesterday at work, one of my tables told me, "I have a complaint about my salad." Greaaat. Of course you do. "We come here three times a year after our long walk and I always get this salad." Wow. Three times, you say? They should make you a silent partner. "I always look forward to it but the quality has gone way down. Look at this lettuce. I don't want it taken off the bill or anything, but we probably won't be back. And I can imagine someone else wouldn't come back after being served this either." Of course I felt badly about it. It was a tad wilted. But to be fair, the lettuce was buried under a pile of cheese, olives and tomatoes. Had I noticed I probably would've said something. Maybe. It is only my second week. I'm trying to make friends with the kitchen people, not enemies.Well, my other table overheard the conversation. I had just dropped off their food when the woman stopped me to tell me about her salad. When I came back out to check on the other table and refill their drinks I asked how everything was. "EVERYTHING IS AS WONDERFUL AS USUAL. MY COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF. PLEASE TELL HIM HOW MUCH WE ENJOYED IT." Uh...what the hell lady? Simmer down. Have you ever seen two women in their 60s throw down? I wasn't about to stick around to witness it.
Today, I took baby out right after breakfast to run my errands. I haven't been able to do a thing since school started. Again...what was I thinking? First, we went to Mecca and she fell asleep in the 24 seconds it took to get across the street to Le Bigg's. I tried not to wake her but it never works out that way. She stayed awake the entire time in the grocery screaming and yelling the whole time, waving to everyone. Finally in the check out line she started to fade. There are two conveyors at Bigg's so they can ring up more people, though they require them to bag their own groceries which still holds up the line, I think. The woman on the other side was bagging her things and said, "Oh, mommy. I'm so tired. This shopping thing is hard work. I need a nap." ...Yo. Stranger? You wanna ixnay the commentary? You think I don't know she's over the limit? Do I need to remind you that I have only been out at night FOUR TIMES since she's been born? When in the HELL do you suggest I get this grocery shopping done? Now take your Twinkies and Diet Coke and get out of my face.
Of course, baby woke up when I tried to carry her into the house. She refused to let me lay her in the bed. Frozen bananas, anyone? So I fed her her lunch an hour later and still after a bottle (because I'm having a little milk supply problem I don't want to talk about it so don't mention it to me or I'll cry) she still wouldn't sleep. Read her new favorite book to her five times. No go. Put her in her crib with said book and showered. Still awake when I got out. Put her in her exersaucer to watch Lawrence Welk, her new favorite show, so I could clean the living room. Not tired.
Or at least I thought.
Did I mention how much I love babies?