Britney's Got Nothing On Me

We went to our first Reds' game and they won. And my new shoes gave me blisters, dammit.

I went to Target today instead of church. Well, baby didn't go to sleep last night until 10.30 p.m. Normally she goes to bed at 8.30 p.m. But not last night. Noooooo. She didn't even THINK about going to bed until around 10.15 p.m. then she just crashed. I only cried once around 8.55 p.m. Soooo tired. So instead of getting up at 7.30 a.m. she woke up at 7 a.m. and was back to sleep at 8.30 a.m. And instead of going down for a nap at 9 a.m. and waking at 10 a.m. on the dot, she woke at 10.55 a.m. So we missed church.

Well, last time I went to Target and took her in the dressing room, the woman let me take my stroller in and all my clothes. I got nothing. Today, baby played in my purse on the floor and I tried on 6 things and liked them all. I can't believe how big she's getting. Sitting up by herself. Able to entertain herself. It will be so interesting to see her when she's older. To see if she's anything like me as an only child or if she'll be so completely different.

At the checkout, a man behind me said, "Your baby has a piece of paper in her mouth." I had her in the carrier facing out. I reached around and stuck my fingers in her mouth. She had what was left of a GIANT price tag. OMG She must've had it for a while because remnants were already dried to her little fingers. There were shreds of it in her mouth. Don't think I didn't go digging. I said, "Well, this is one of the bad parts of having her face out. Thank you." HELLO! Everyone else in Target??? You could've told me. I had no clue. And tons of people were smiling at her. WTH? Is this normal? Do other mothers let their children eat paper? I have no idea where she got it. Had she also possibly eaten whatever it had been attached to?

Imagine if I was famous and the paparazzi got a pic of that. Dear Lord. Front page news.

I took her out to the car and stuck my finger down her throat. She didn't care. I ran it around inside her gums. Didn't care. I buckled her into her car seat. Still didn't care. She even LAUGHED at me. Then I KNEW something was wrong. She HATES the car seat! She does what I lovingly refer to as The Frozen Banana. This kid is strong. You cannot get her to bend if she doesn't want to. I hoped she was okay and drove away giving Target the finger for giving my daughter some rare Made in China price tag disease.

She fell asleep immediately. So I decided to call a friend I don't talk to enough. She said, "Oh honey. She's fine. My kids eat dog food off the floor on a daily basis. Because they like it." I reached back and patted baby's head and I felt better. Then I reminded myself to never get a dog. And to mop the floor.