Monday, March 31

It's Not Easy Bein' Green

In an attempt to be more "green," I've been shopping at our local Wild Food/Whole Oats (grocer previously known as Wild Oats, now Whole Foods, that has the new WF signage up as well as the old WO moniker) more often than not. Yesterday, I had to do a Trader Joe's/WF/WO combo shopping expedition. What one place doesn't have the other will and vice versa. Sadly, the whole of the Northern Kentucky/Greater Cincinnati area must also be going green because TJs looked like it'd been hit by a horde of hoarding nuclear holocaust anticipators (is that a word?). These same people who are eating more organically are not the least bit interested in other ridiculous fads such as The Atkins Diet. This was evident by the fact that there was no bread. No bread, you say? Yes. No bread. When I say no bread I mean there was some bread, but mostly made of spelt and other things that are edible once you've been green for say...more than three months. There were some loaves of Challah bread left so maybe The Atkins Diet is still big in the Jewish community.

Needless to say, I had to go to WF/WO to finish my shopping, where I ran into Supercute Hippie Family I'd just been in line with at TJs. Glad to know I'm not the only freak. I went shopping with my friend and we quickly surmized that people must've been under the impression she and I were lesbians. She was wearing a polar fleece vest pushing the grocery cart while I carried the baby and wore a gold band on my right hand and kept starting conversations with We this and We that. The "We" to which I was referring was me and baby, but I'm pretty sure Supercute Hippie Family thought I meant me and my friend. Not to stereotype, but a couple of these things are done by lesbians in movies to make them more lesbiany. But maybe they didn't think we were lesbians because of just those things. I bet they are a good little Supercute Hippie Family and don't even own a television or see movies.

My friend told me in a pinch she bought some organic maxi pads there once because she didn't have anymore reusable pads left. She said she was afraid the whole time with the organic ones that they would biodegrade while she was wearing them. That would be for the hard-core environmentalist. I'm not there yet.

I did suggest to someone the other day that I wish I had a heated sink so I could warm up my dish water. I have a bad habit of soaking the dishes and then not getting back to them until much later. The response I got was 'Yuck'. I feel bad draining all that water. So I wash them cold and rinse them warm. They're clean. Don't freak out if you're about to come over for dinner. I have to say...it's the baby's fault. She's not green AT ALL. No sirree. She does encourage physical activity. She loves to drop things from her high chair so I'll pick them up over and over again. And she does wear organic cotton clothes but she doesn't mind pooping or peeing on them. So then I have to wash them which requires lots of water blah blah blah. You get the picture.

I'd love to have a diesel car that runs on vegetable oil. You can get the oil free from fast food restaurants. Of course, that would require me going to a fast food restaurant which would require me to get a Big Mac, large fry, and a root beer. My being able to eat that would require going to three different restaurants because Burger King has the best fries and Big Boy has the best ice. All of that defeats the purpose of shopping at WF/WO/TJs.

I have more cloth shopping bags than any one person can fill so I just take them every where. You should have seen me trying to get this old man at the check out to NOT give me a plastic bag. I may have been the first person ever to say, "I don't need a bag." He just stared at me trying to figure out how in the hell I was going to make it to my car just carrying my stuff with my own two hands instead of using my two hands to carry bags which will then carry my stuff. I think I've finally broken myself of the habit of leaving the bags at home.

I was at WF/WO with a friend and she wanted to wear baby in the carrier. So I took a bottle and a bag of breast milk with me so she could feed her while we were there. I went to the cafe and asked if I could have some hot water in something to warm some milk up. They guy was very nice and told me it'd be really hot, which I said was just fine. I pulled out my bag of breast milk and he tried not to stare. After it heated in the paper cup they gave me I felt badly about using it, having hoped they'd give me a mug or something instead. So I asked the guy if he could reuse the cup. He looked at me like I was crazy. I guess no one would really want to drink out of a used paper cup possibly coated in breast milk. Note to self: There is a way to be "too green".

I left the cafe and went to the bulk section to get popcorn and accidentally got split peas. No, they weren't green. They're the color of popcorn, so you can see how I was mistaken. There's a big sign that says you have to buy whatever you get and not to waste the bulk stuff and they can't pour it back in. I've read it 20 times, yet I still asked the guy if he could do it. He said, "Um...no." As if the fact that it was a mistake and that they'd only been out of their little bulk plastic cage and in the plastic bag for a mere 15 seconds mattered. I wanted to say, "Well...plastic bags kill birds!" But I let it go.

1 comment:

Tess & Matthew said...

OMG I love your blog. I am dying laughing already.

<< In an attempt to be more "green," I've been shopping at our local Wild Food/Whole Oats >>

John Argus (whom I saw recently) said that Mary Elizabeth refers to the place as "Whole Paycheck."

<< These same people who are eating more organically are not the least bit interested in other ridiculous fads such as The Atkins Diet. >>

Aw, shucks... Matthew lost 40 pounds on that,his cholesterol dropped double-digit points, and his joint pain went away. I think there was something to it, even if it was a little extreme.

<< Not to stereotype, but a couple of these things are done by lesbians in movies to make them more lesbiany. >>

ROFL My bisexual friend Daisy in the UK refers to "proper" lesbians (not fake bisexuals who fake it to titillate men) as "Lesbanians". Laurie likes to say, "I think that woman might be kind of lesbionic."

<< My being able to eat that would require going to three different restaurants because Burger King has the best fries and Big Boy has the best ice. >>

YES, YES, AND YES. Oh my god. We are so related. lol