P.S. Your Drawing Sucks

I was sitting in the Starbucks on campus studying yesterday. I do patronize Starbucks. I do not patronize Walmart. Am I a hypocrite? Who cares? The inside of Starbucks is the ideal environment for studying. Unless, two idiots come and sit down within earshot of you. Two people, guy and girl, who are somehow pissing off their respective significant others. I was trying not to listen but it was damned impossible.

Seems the girl had to have a discussion with her boyfriend. He had evidently "jumped to conclusions" and thought for sure she was going to "dump" him. I tried to get the whole conversation's details--they sucked me in, what can I say?--but I got lost amid all the "like...you know" and "I was all like..." and "he was like..." fillers. Her guy "friend" said, "You don't need to edit on my account." She said, "I'm not. It's just really hard to explain." Yeah. We gathered.

So, I hear the guy say, "I talked to Meghan and I'll explain it to you the way I explained it to her." He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his book bag and she said, "Are you going to draw me a picture?" He said, "Yes. I'm going to draw you a picture." And he grabbed a pen and HE FUCKING DREW HER A PICTURE. Oh my God. I wanted to throw my tall soy chai latte and my Madeleines Petite French Cakes on them but I wouldn't do that to my favorite drink and French Cakes.

He proceeds to draw a circle on a piece of paper. It looks more like a kidney bean with a slice hacked out of it which he claimed was a "very narrow margin in his relationships where certain people fall that cross over into intimate areas and familial ones." Holy shit. What the hell is he doing? Is he enrolled in psychology of personal adjustment? Clearly this is an interpersonal relationship and obviously he's dealing with some serious moral dilemmas. Unfortunately, his female friend has no idea that these are not his original thoughts.

I'm trying really hard to picture him somewhere with his girlfriend trying to explain to her the dynamics of his relationship with his "friend." Did he take her to a bar? Applebee's? Perkin's? Where do you have a discussion like this with someone you supposedly love? Her house? Your house? From what I gather, the female friend told her guy over the phone. That's how I would have done it. Surrounded by girlfriends while we secretly made faces and gagging motions and drew our own pictures as he blubbered on about this and that.

The dude's girlfriend had asked, "How do you know this friendship won't turn into something more?" He said, "I just know." Wow. He is either secretly gay or his girlfriend must be Heidi Klum because the friend was gorgeous. Not a genius but really hot in a "your basic nightmare" kind of way.

Just when I couldn't take it anymore, it was time for me to leave for class. I so desperately wanted to go over to them and say, "Get a room."

I give it six months. Her boyfriend will cheat on her with a waitress from Hooter's. He will dump his girlfriend for being so completely naive and spineless for not kicking his ass. The two friends will end up together and they'll be married in a year and pregnant on their honeymoon.