Monday, December 1

Baby Talk

Took baby to the doctor today for her fifteen month check-up/stabbing. I swear, nurses these days lack any semblance of a respectable bedside manner. In and out. It is so ridiculous. I know it is overwhelming having to see so many patients in one day. The XH (whose name shall forever remain unspoken) was a doc who thought seeing twelve patients in one day was tiring. At the time of separation, he was seeing forty-two patients in one day. That is beyond ridiculous.

Well, I don't have a doctor. I never get sick. So when it came time to pick a doctor's office for my pregnancy I picked a family practice thinking it would be smart for the two of us to be able to go to the same doctor's office. Well, I didn't realize until halfway through my pregnancy that it is a practice made up mostly of residents and the majority of the patients are on medicaid or medicare. Our doctor was a resident. We have only seen him twice since she was born so I assume he's like a real doctor now or something. I've seen a different resident every time baby has had a check-up and each of those residents are complete dillweeds.

The residents and the attending physicians who come in to supervise now and again think that every parent is one moment away from tying up their child and leaving them in the closet while they run off to Disneyland.

Today, I saw a resident who followed, word for word, the script of questions he was supposed to ask. These questions seem more suited for someone with a bright light shining in their face while they're surrounded by federal agents. "Is she walking?" Yes. "She's holding on to furniture?" She's walking. "By holding on to furniture?" N. O. "Does she respond to commands?" Yes. "Does she talk?" Yes. "What does she say?" Oh, about fifty words or so. She'll repeat pretty much anything if she's interested. (Baby is over by the chair and starts tugging at her diaper. Me: Do you need a new diaper? Baby: Nooooo. Resident: blank stare at Baby.)

After he left, I ended up changing baby's diaper anyway because as of last weekend, no means yes. Actually, as of last Saturday evening. Not Saturday day, but Saturday night. Around 7 p.m., Baby started saying 'Nooooo' whenever I asked her if she wanted something which I knew would garner a 'Yes.' "Do you want a bottle?" Noooo. "Do you love mama?" Noooo. "Do you love Gramma?" Noooo. That's when I was certain this was a new phase. A cute one.

Just as I was about to fasten the diaper, the resident came back in and the attending with him said, "Wait. Leave that. I want to see." He came over and looked at her and lifted her legs and then turned to me and said, "I am just checking for diaper rash." Noooo. Really? I thought maybe you were some predator who just wanted to stare at my child's vajayjay. Where's Chris Hansen and the Dateline crew? Are you freaking serious? Do you think I'm an idiot?

Honestly, I think they do think all of their patients are idiots. They just have to assume we know nothing and then when we tell them that yes, in fact, dairy does give her eczema and diarrhea they can't help themselves and still have to say, "I don't think that's it."

Dude. Don't screw with me. I'm the mommy. Didn't you just hear her say that?

3 comments:

Michael B said...

I think doctors respond to status. I've noticed that several doctors want to know what I do for a living (which strikes me as a reasonable short-hand way of learning a bit about me and my lifestyle), and when I tell them I teach at a college, they stiffen a little and put on a different game face.

But yeah, they definitely think a lot of their patients are semi-retarded. I have a couple of doctor friends, and they do in fact tell stories of parents who are, well, not going to win any parenting prizes. And in our litigious (sp?) age, they want to cover their asses. Thus the dumb questions and comments.

My mother and sister are of the firm belief that doctors treat women much worse than they treat men. And who am I to argue with that?

Fifty words, eh? She takes after her mother.

I enjoy your blog, and selfishly I wish that you had time to post more frequently.

That's not criticism. It's praise.

(Oh wait, you already knew that. So maybe dumbass comments are not limited to the doctors....)

Chris said...

Nice to see you again! Nothing's worse than patronizing doctors. I've often been more up on research than one of our son's doc's. It's frustrating - not that a doctor isn't "up" on a topic, but that they won't dialogue with the parent intelligently and respectfully about the course of treatment.

You're a good mother.

justcurious said...

I've suffered through the same treament. Upon moving to a new state, one of the first pediatricians (a male) we saw looked at my son's chart and proceeded to lecture me in an irritated manner about the overuse of antibiotics in his past. Literally. Told me what the American Pediatric Assoc. had to say about antibiotics contributing to blah blah blah. As if I had both asked for and prescribed by myself everything he had ever taken for his countless ear and sinus infections. I was thinking, "Look, I'm in your club. I'm educated! I have docs for friends! What do you want? The secret handshake of parents never called on by DFACS?" I'm too nice, though. I essentially just took it and never went back to him. I somewhat regret not having son wait in the hallway for a moment while mommy talked to the nice dr. for a moment.

I have to agree with mb's mom and sister about how women are treated versus men. While I haven't ever gone in dressed as a male to test the theory, the above story is the second such incident I've experienced that left me with my mouth hanging open. That's enough data points for me, scientific or not.