Took baby to the doctor today for her fifteen month check-up/stabbing. I swear, nurses these days lack any semblance of a respectable bedside manner. In and out. It is so ridiculous. I know it is overwhelming having to see so many patients in one day. The XH (whose name shall forever remain unspoken) was a doc who thought seeing twelve patients in one day was tiring. At the time of separation, he was seeing forty-two patients in one day. That is beyond ridiculous.
Well, I don't have a doctor. I never get sick. So when it came time to pick a doctor's office for my pregnancy I picked a family practice thinking it would be smart for the two of us to be able to go to the same doctor's office. Well, I didn't realize until halfway through my pregnancy that it is a practice made up mostly of residents and the majority of the patients are on medicaid or medicare. Our doctor was a resident. We have only seen him twice since she was born so I assume he's like a real doctor now or something. I've seen a different resident every time baby has had a check-up and each of those residents are complete dillweeds.
The residents and the attending physicians who come in to supervise now and again think that every parent is one moment away from tying up their child and leaving them in the closet while they run off to Disneyland.
Today, I saw a resident who followed, word for word, the script of questions he was supposed to ask. These questions seem more suited for someone with a bright light shining in their face while they're surrounded by federal agents. "Is she walking?" Yes. "She's holding on to furniture?" She's walking. "By holding on to furniture?" N. O. "Does she respond to commands?" Yes. "Does she talk?" Yes. "What does she say?" Oh, about fifty words or so. She'll repeat pretty much anything if she's interested. (Baby is over by the chair and starts tugging at her diaper. Me: Do you need a new diaper? Baby: Nooooo. Resident: blank stare at Baby.)
After he left, I ended up changing baby's diaper anyway because as of last weekend, no means yes. Actually, as of last Saturday evening. Not Saturday day, but Saturday night. Around 7 p.m., Baby started saying 'Nooooo' whenever I asked her if she wanted something which I knew would garner a 'Yes.' "Do you want a bottle?" Noooo. "Do you love mama?" Noooo. "Do you love Gramma?" Noooo. That's when I was certain this was a new phase. A cute one.
Just as I was about to fasten the diaper, the resident came back in and the attending with him said, "Wait. Leave that. I want to see." He came over and looked at her and lifted her legs and then turned to me and said, "I am just checking for diaper rash." Noooo. Really? I thought maybe you were some predator who just wanted to stare at my child's vajayjay. Where's Chris Hansen and the Dateline crew? Are you freaking serious? Do you think I'm an idiot?
Honestly, I think they do think all of their patients are idiots. They just have to assume we know nothing and then when we tell them that yes, in fact, dairy does give her eczema and diarrhea they can't help themselves and still have to say, "I don't think that's it."
Dude. Don't screw with me. I'm the mommy. Didn't you just hear her say that?