Don't Mind Her. She's a Dumbass.

I got to go out with a friend on Sunday night. The same friend who watched my child all day whilst I worked. Miraculously, she wasn't too tired. My upstairs neighbor has been borrowing my parking pass on Thursday nights and offered to sit with baby some time so that I could go out. So I did. For the...let's all keep track...sixth time since she's been born.

Friend and I went to a total dive that has the best burritos and the greatest juke box in all of the Midwest, if not THE WORLD. Friend doubted me. "Vampyros Lesbos?" But underneath it is Charlie Parker. And across from it is Chet Baker! Come on!

We had barely made it in the door when a guy came up behind us and started breathing down our necks. "Get the jerk tofu." Uh...dude. I've been here a million times. Shut it.

...so we got the jerk tofu. It was damned good.

When the burrito arrived, he came over and said, "How is it that you all have your burrito and I don't have mine yet?" Remembering he was behind us at the bar, Friend asked when he placed his order. "An hour before you did." And then he didn't leave. He kept standing there, as we were sitting; talking to us, drinking his beer. He's 24 years old. Lives with his parents. Had been traveling the U.S. Was there with his dad (who looked like he was my age) and his brother. Small talk. Small talk. Blah. Blah. Blah.

His friend came over about 20 minutes later. "Do I know you?" he asked me. Um...I don't know. Do you go to NKU? "No." Where did you grow up? "Iowa." Iowa. I don't know a lot of people from Iowa. Turned out he was at a party I had attended over the summer and is best friends with the husband of a friend of mine. Small world.

I got up and went to the bathroom hoping that he would be gone by the time I got back, but...no.

Finally, we were left alone (except for the strangers we were sitting with so that we wouldn't have to stand and eat) to chat and bond over our beers. My measly little half pint of Guinness.

As he was leaving, he came over and said goodbye. (My friend said the other dude would have totally asked me out if the first guy hadn't pissed all over me the minute I walked in the door.) He leaned down and asked, "Would you like to hang out sometime?" I'm very busy.

Oh...if I could rewind and delete that? What a horrible answer, even if I was biologically able to be his mother. Dude. I seriously could have been his mother.