Whoever Said Half the Fun Was in Getting There...Has Never Been Here

I finally did it. And now I have no excuse not to keep doing it. It took me hours and those hours are ones I will never get back. And now I will need to spend equal time doing it to friends.

I traveled with the baby.

I took my first trip with the baby. I drove nearly six hours to visit The Boy's mother and family at her B&B. I had no idea how it was going to go. Poor baby has never had to ride in a car that long. I mean, sure, I've had her out for a long time shopping and running around. A friend lives about an hour and a half away and we've visited her a couple of times. That is the limit on her long-distance travel experience. I usually put the iPod on and let her listen to audiobooks every time we're in the car. As soon as the woman starts saying These audiobooks are brought to you by audible dot com. Audible. Audiobooks wherever you are or something like that...baby stops screaming and is mesmerized for the next however many minutes I have her held hostage. She has never been a fan of the car and I wasn't sure how it was going to work having her strapped in for what I thought would be five hours.

I had to stop for us to have lunch and I swear...this is KILLING me to admit this...I split a three piece chicken something or other from McDonald's with the baby. I'm so ashamed. She really enjoyed it, which is the most shameful part. The woman who waited on us was the biggest bitch I've ever encountered at a McDonald's and I've been served by some really surly teenagers. This woman is saving her McDonald's a million dollars a year. They need to make her a franchise owner. I asked for a three-piece McNugget and she informed me there was no such thing. I read through the menu and finally found the chicken whatever it was that I ordered. People at McDonald's hate me because it takes me forever to place my order. I'm sure they're all like...come on, lady...it's freaking McDonald's...our menu hasn't changed in like...ever, but I can never decide what I want, mostly because I do not want to be there. I was waiting for my food and went over to the fountain drinks to get my rootbeer and overheard a woman telling the cashier that she didn't get a sauce for her McNuggets Happy Meal for her daughter and something else about getting one too many cups and not getting a milk and the woman gave her a five minute lecture about how many dipping sauces you get with a happy meal and how she wouldn't be able to have another blah blah blah. That woman was pissed. She really gave an eye roll. She was ma-ad.

I grabbed my bag and left and ate in the car with baby. Which brings me to another thing...OMG. I'm going to live here and never return my rental car. Holy shit! I'm IN LOVE. I am driving a Chevrolet Equinox or some crap. It has totally spoiled me in under seven hours and I am hoping to return my Jeep in its place with the hopes of convincing Budget that they gave me a piece of crap car and somehow I'll be able to keep this car for my very own. It is the most luxurious thing I've ever ridden in, mostly because it's silent. The roads on the way here were out of contrizzle and I was the only person who was able to go anywhere. Winter drive. Ahhh. I forgot about the joy it brings to one's soul when you have that special little button near the gear shift. The security you're possessed with as you push it. It's not unlike starting a fight with someone twice your size when you're with someone four times your size. "Plow through" is my new motto.

Baby slept as soon as we got in the car and then again after lunch. Just when I thought I was a mere six miles from my destination, I was informed by The Boy that I was about an hour and fifteen minutes away. WUT? I was pissed. Baby had been screaming and I thought for sure I could make it just a few more miles. So I had to hang up on him and pull into a Sunoco. I stupidly parked in a spot by the fire department next door just so I could get the poor child out of the car. I changed her diaper in the back like I always do in my Jeep because we're a couple of dirty hippies. She was shivering, poor little thing. I had to move the car because I was horribly paranoid that we would be towed like the signs threatened so back in the car seat she went. I drove the thirty feet to the space in front of the front door of the Sunoco station. I had to go to the bathroom for about the last 50 miles, but she had been asleep and I didn't want to wake her. I went inside and found that the door was locked. Ten minutes later...still waiting. I tried again. Locked. A woman came up behind me and baby said 'hi' to her about twenty times. I tried the door again and as I was walking back to where I'd been standing, a man came up on his cell phone and said, "My wife is in there. She slipped and fell in the parking lot and she's changing her pants." He was easily in his seventies. I asked, "Is she alright?" He said, "Yes. Thanks. She's fine." A few seconds later, a man went into the men's restroom. He came out and motioned to the woman behind me and she went into the bathroom. I have never been so pissed. I wanted to yell, "I am holding an adorable baby and I've been waiting in line longer than you've even been in the damn store OBVIOUSLY and you're just going to cut me!!!" Whore. Hate her. I made sure to roll my eyes at her like that chick at McDonald's did to the rude cashier lady. I think it made quite an impression.

I got baby back into the car and we made it to the B&B. I want to live here. We've had the best time. She has been an angel. There is a No Children Allowed policy but I am guessing she's acting as the resident grandchild this weekend. She has said 'nigh-night' and 'bye-bye' to all the guests she's encountered. She hasn't made much of a fuss and has gone to sleep in this strange place without even a peep. Last night she was in a room all her own and the alarm clock radio went off at 6 a.m. loudly blaring some horrible 80's music and it didn't even wake her.

I got to go to lunch with The Boy and his aunt, uncle and cousin today and baby stayed with The Boy's mother and finished her nap and ate lunch and played until we got home. His cousin must've gone up and down the stairs with her a hundred times this weekend. My child is so independent. I'm amazed at her bravery everyday.

We're all leaving tomorrow. Hopefully the ride home goes as smoothly. I wish we could transport ourselves back into the 1970s so she could ride in the front seat with me and stretch out and relax and move around without being so constrained. I'm sure her poor little butt hurt after all that time in the car.

I'm having a great time. She had an absolute blast.

We're very lucky.

And The Results Are In

Six B's. Well, technically five B's and one Pass, but that doesn't do anything to the GPA so let's just say six B's. These B's feel like A's. It also feels wrong to put an apostrophe after the A and B but I Googled it and I reckon it's correct.

I really wondered if I was making the right decision going back to school. I know that Michael Phelps's mother worked fourteen jobs to take care of him and turn him into the phenom that he is. Hopefully one day baby will appreciate me and what I did to make a better life for us.

It was hard. Very hard. And it was no secret I wanted to bail. A dear friend told me she would do whatever I needed because she didn't want me to quit. And I honestly don't know what I would have done without her. All the free babysitting. Just being there to listen to me bitch. Coming over for dinner and breakfast and lunch. Being a surrogate mother when I needed her to be. And giving me advice that is truly appreciated. She practically raised her sisters and niece and nephews. I have no experience whatsoever with children. I have babysat a few times in my life but I don't remember it. I would also like to apologize to the parents because I have no recollection of ever having changed a diaper. Hmm....

Another friend has also been a big help to me. She left work one day when I was stuck in traffic and wasn't going to make it to baby's school before they closed. I sat in traffic near tears imagining another huge fear of mine that I'm not even going to type here. I called her and she didn't even question what I needed. She just picked her up and, God love her, walked her halfway to my place carrying her in her arms before I found them and picked them up.

To know that my daughter sees the faces of these two friends and trusts them implicitly makes me happier than I can even explain. A lot of friends have cheered me on these past few months and I am so lucky to have them all. From Atlanta to Paducah to NYC. Austin to Israel to down the street...to strangers who have found me online...I just want to thank you all. For everything.

So It Happened

I did it. I fell down the stairs while carrying the baby. I knew it. I have a wild imagination. And I promise you that every horrible thing I can imagine will eventually happen to me. I'm not saying I force it to happen, but I do think that perhaps it happens to teach me that I can handle anything. And that I am a tad bit psychic, something many close friends and relatives will affirm.

So I was walking down the stairs and I slipped and fell with baby on my right hip. I am pretty sure that it must have really hurt her somehow. She cried. A lot. And I cried. Almost as much. I was in shock, I think. And she was probably more afraid because I was so frightened for her safety. It was only six stairs but it didn't feel like it was going to end. I kept trying to catch myself but there was nothing to grab onto. I just couldn't gather my thoughts to make it all stop.

A couple of weeks ago, I went out to lunch with a friend of mine. I've known him for nearly ten years. I should have known him for fifteen years. He was an employee of an arena football team for which I was a cheerleader. Small world. We didn't meet until 1999. We lived in the same building twice. I didn't think he liked me "like that," not that every guy must like me but he's adorable and I'm not a psychopath so...why didn't we date?

A week later, he invited me to a play. OMG I actually was picked up and taken on a bona fide date. I was pretty nervous. Really nervous. I have been a real basketcase these past few months. Living alone causes you to lose some serious conversational skills. Living with a child under sixteen months old causes you to talk too much when you're around other grown-ups.

I guess he didn't mind too much that I blabbered on and on all night long. It was at his house where I fell. In more ways than one.

BRB

Finals week.